couples counseling
The Importance of being “All In” In Your Relationship
“Bachelor Disaster” by Gary Thomas
It was almost as painful as watching a man slowly bleed to death; instead, I was watching a marriage die before it had even begun. The Bachelor wanted to be known as a good guy. He was in a ridiculous and silly situation (trying to artificially choose a wife while simultaneously dating 25) but even so, he couldn’t have made it worse. When he was finally down to the final two women, the guy couldn’t make up his mind. He kept worrying about whether the one he was rejecting would be better for him than the one he was choosing. He feared he might be making a mistake, he actually called it “the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.” Every syllable of those pathetic, self-absorbed sentences were caught on tape and were daggers to the joy of his future marriage (assuming the marriage actually happens). His “fiancé” said she decided not to watch the painful ordeal, but if the bachelor thinks she never will, or that she’ll never hear about it, he’s delusional. Besides, she already did hear about it. The host brought it up! And the future bride’s refusal to hear it firsthand testifies to the hurt already inflicted by a complete misunderstanding of love, marriage, and marital unity/intimacy. Men, if you want a satisfying marriage, you have to be all-in focused on one woman. You have to prize her above all women. You have to make her believe there is no other woman you could possibly be drawn to in comparison. You can’t cleave if you don’t first leave “Leave” doesn’t just mean your parents—it means every other human affection. The best marriages are “all in.” They are built and sustained by the attitude, “I will offend everyone else, if I have to, in order to affirm, value, and cherish you.” If you’re not ready to make that commitment to a woman, you’re not ready to be married. It is pitiful for any husband to let any woman besides his wife think that he’s “on the market” or may soon be. To share something “special”—emotional or physical—with anyone other than your spouse is to subtract from your marriage. It’s to kill it with a thousand small cuts. It will slowly bleed your marriage to death. Marriage is nurtured by its exclusivity and it is assaulted by the Bachelor’s disastrous mindset, whether you adopt that mindset as a single man or as a husband married for ten or twenty years. Men, you can’t cleave if you don’t leave—everything, and everyone. True “cleaving”—a sense of oneness, a solid, impenetrable unity—is so fulfilling. Without it, you get all the responsibility and limitations of marriage without the soul fulfillment. That’s as frustrating a trade as you’ll ever make. You can only live with that for so long without wanting the “escape” of divorce. All in, or not in. Those are really the only two choices a man should focus on when choosing a mate. If a woman thinks the man isn’t there, she’s being equally foolish tying her life to half of his heart and half of his mind. Excerpt from GaryThomas.comRelationship Counseling: Increase Intimacy By Learning Your Love Language
- How you like to receive and show love
- How your significant other likes to receive and show love.
The “Grey” Area of 50 Shades of Grey
- The way our brains operate, if you need pain to get sexually excited, that level of pain becomes normative and routine, so you have to increase the level of pain to get the same excitement. In a long-term, lifelong sexual relationship, that’s a problem.
- When sex recreates past abuse instead of providing a healing alternative, it cements the soul in dysfunction rather than releasing the soul into healthy intimacy.
- If a couple ignores the spiritual side of sex, their satisfaction in the bedroom is living on borrowed time.
- It’s simply foolish to feel intimidated by or envious of the sexual relationship of a couple that requires a billionaire’s income and schedule to sexually excite each other.
- Daily kindness will get a woman in the mood far more certainly than sanitized metal.
- Soul-satisfying sex without commitment is as real as chocolate cake without calories.
- An abused man who expresses his hurt with violent sexual acts against a woman is “healed” by his sexual partner being willing and submissive? The last time that happened in real life was never.
- Love isn’t expressed by accepting intentional pain; it’s built by giving and receiving unselfish pleasure.
- While an occasional blindfold might be enticing, far more satisfying is to see the look in another’s eyes when they desires and adores you.
- Healthy men and women want to be desired for who they are, not for the toys they can afford.
- The best mark of fulfilling sex isn’t a bruise or a scratch—it’s that special glance between each other two hours later.
- It takes far more bravery to commit yourself to one partner for life than it does to commit yourself to a new sexual encounter.
- What’s nobler? A married couple thinking up new ways to give pleasure or a dating couple thinking up new ways to give pain?
- A strong man isn’t looking for a young woman to dominate; he’s looking for a woman who inspires him, a partner to share life with, and a fellow parent with whom he can build a family.
- If a guy is “fifty shades of [messed] up,” he’ll bring you far more misery than pleasure as soon as you step out of the bedroom.
- A guy who has to control you in the bedroom won’t stop trying to control you in the living room… Or the kitchen, or the car, or anywhere else, for that matter.
- The best sex doesn’t require one person “training” another; it requires sharing and learning and growing together.
Happy New Year and “Post-Romantic Stress Disorder”
A Chance To Learn More
I will be adding some of the concepts of this book in my class, on 2/28/15. “Successful Romantic and Intimate Relationships: How to Make Them Work”. You can register through Leisure Learning Unlimited, www.llu.com or 713-529-4414. It’s on a Saturday from 10am-12noon. Hope to see you there! Register For “Successful Romantic and Intimate Relationships: How to Make Them Work“Two Tips for Avoiding Needless Stress When Someone Dies
Now it is Truly Easy to “Put Life in Order and Put Worry Away.”
We are thrilled to announce that we’ve truly made it easy for you to put life in order and put worry away with the publication of the Texas edition of our new workbook. The workbook is now available for sale on our website and will provide one easy location where you can write down all the information you want your family, friends or doctors to have should you be involved in an accident or unable to speak for yourself. We’ve provided contact lists, a wallet card, advance directive questionnaires, valid Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) and Organ Donation forms as well as helpful lists that tell you what to do in the first 24 hours after someone dies. While we don’t provide a form for a will (although filling this out will probably make getting one much easier) we have tried, however, to provide everything else you may need to help communicate your wishes and desires should you be hospitalized or unable to speak.What People are Say about “Put Life in Order and Put Worry Away.”
It is superb. I can see the work that you put into this book. It is very helpful. I hope (and will try) to spread the word about how it can help people, almost change lives. Thank you so much for creating this book. ~Lynn B. Houston, TexasOrder today as this is one decision that we know will give you and your loved one’s peace of mind.
3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Wishing you peace, serenity and joy….Denise3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
With the busy summer holiday season in full force we find that we have very little time to sit still long enough to bring inner peace and calm to our lives. Here are a few ways to help cope with the stress of the holidays while promoting health at the same time.
1. Keep expectations and commitments balanced. It’s important to understand that you cannot get everything that you want to get done and that not everything is going to be perfect. Taking on too much and putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything be perfect is a sure fire way to elevate our cortisol (our stress hormone).
2. Put yourself on a budget. One of the most significant sources of holiday stress is related to the money that we spend on parties and decorations. Setting a budget for yourself ahead of time will help you determine how much you are willing to spend on certain things. With a budget in place, you’re less likely to overspend and therefore will have less stress during and after the holidays.
3. Eat your vegetables and remember to exercise. Most people gain weight during the holidays because there are plenty of sugary treats around and on top of that there’s little time to exercise with all the holiday activities planned. Eating plenty of vegetables which are full in fiber will help to curb cravings for sweets and will help you to pass the treat table without stopping. Without much time to set aside to get to the gym, incorporating as much movement as possible is important in balancing our mood and reducing stress. Taking 10 minutes to go for a walk or organizing a short a dance party with family members to holiday music are a couple of ways to incorporate movement into your busy day without having to go to the gym.
Courtesy of http://www.myvitawellness.com
The Importance of End of Life Planning: Y Collaborative Partnership
Briargrove Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide lasting and positive results for couples to have increased satisfaction, and feel more love and connection in the relationship. Couples get faster results when both people are committed to making a positive change. Therapy gives both people insights about what they want to see differently in themselves and what they want to see differently in their partner and the relationship. It focuses on discovering unmet needs, lost parts, and overcoming defensiveness that prevents intimacy. Therapy promotes insight to give you additional ways to perceive the problems and additional ways to get results. Together we will:- Identify the issues and conflicts that prevent intimacy and safety.
- Identify factors that you and your partner do to sabotage what you want
- Help you develop insights and skills to let go of what’s not working and get what you need.
- Use cutting edge communication skills and techniques to change counterproductive and upsetting behavior
- Look at how you can support each other effectively and genuinely through the changes you make
- Create a space where you reach a new level of success in your relationship
How I Can Help
I see my role giving attention, support and direction to help couples develop what they need to make a break-through rather than a break up. Most therapy is short term. I teach effective skills that you can use at home. The goal of therapy is to make changes so the couple will have increased satisfaction and feel more love and connection in the relationship.Pre-Marital Counseling
I also meet with couples prior to weddings and holy unions. Pre-Marital counseling gives couples the opportunity to look at issues that often come up in relationships before they come up! This gives the couple the chance to see where they have differences in values and beliefs, and how they can prevent conflict when these differences arise. You don’t have to agree on everything to have a good relationship, but you have to respect the differences. I have a pre-commitment questionnaire that addresses relationship issues. These include: money, relatives, children, vacations, work, household chores, sex, dealing with crisis times of life, fidelity, romance, use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other drugs, communication rules, personality differences, role of friends, physical appearance, jealousy, cultural background issues, personal goals, pre-nupual agreements and blending families. Discussing your areas of concern prior to your big day, will give you an insightful and valuable approach to minimizing future problems and maintaining respect for your partner and your relationship.Let Us Know How I Can Help!
[contact-form-7 id=”1467″ title=”landing-page”]Bellaire Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide lasting and positive results for couples to have increased satisfaction, and feel more love and connection in the relationship. Couples get faster results when both people are committed to making a positive change. Therapy gives both people insights about what they want to see differently in themselves and what they want to see differently in their partner and the relationship. It focuses on discovering unmet needs, lost parts, and overcoming defensiveness that prevents intimacy. Therapy promotes insight to give you additional ways to perceive the problems and additional ways to get results. Together we will:- Identify the issues and conflicts that prevent intimacy and safety.
- Identify factors that you and your partner do to sabotage what you want
- Help you develop insights and skills to let go of what’s not working and get what you need.
- Use cutting edge communication skills and techniques to change counterproductive and upsetting behavior
- Look at how you can support each other effectively and genuinely through the changes you make
- Create a space where you reach a new level of success in your relationship