Say No To Perfect Parenting
As a culture, we’re always looking for perfection. We want the perfect body. The perfect job. The perfect kids.
Sure, it would be nice if your children were always well-behaved. If they picked up after themselves. Asked and answered with a respectful “please” and “thank you.” Did their homework without being told. But perfect kids? Would you really want them if you could have them?
“When we expect perfection from our children, we rob them of important experiences and the chance to learn and grow along the way,” said Dr. Craig Pierce, president and CEO of the Southwest Family Guidance Center and Institute and author of Parenting Without Distraction: The Attunetion® Approach. “In the process, they often end up missing out when it comes to developing independence, trust and self-esteem—in other words, some of the very traits that are necessary for an emotionally healthy life.”
Nonetheless, many people believe in the myth that if you do everything “right” as a parent, you’ll raise perfect children. In truth, there’s no such person as the perfect parent, or the perfect kid. But here’s the good news: according to Dr. Pierce, you don’t need to be a perfect parent to raise healthy, well-adjusted and resilient children; you just have to be an attuned one.
“Children whose parents pay attention and tune in to their needs sense that they matter,” said Dr. Pierce. “As a result, they tend to have higher self-esteem, get along better with their peers, and adjust more easily to school than children who are not given the same level of healthy attention.”
So how do you let go of perfect parenting and tune in to what’s best for your kids? Dr. Pierce has five tips.
- Be a positive mirror.
Much of a child’s self-image comes from how others perceive him or her. This is especially true of preschoolers, who learn about themselves from their parents’ reactions. “When you give your child positive reflections about strengths, skills, and talents, he or she learns to think well of him- or herself,” commented Dr. Pierce. - Cheer on your child. Every child needs encouragement to believe in him- or herself and to take risks and grow. Give your child opportunities to demonstrate special skills. It may be drawing or singing, doing a summersault, or making breakfast. Whatever the skill, give your child a chance to shine.
- Make a play date with your child. Playing with your child sends a clear message: “You are worth my time. You are a valuable person.” Play can help you learn about your child—his or her temperament and capabilities at each stage of development. “And the more interest you show in doing things with your child early on, the more interest your child is likely to have in doing things with you while growing up,” said Dr. Pierce.
- Show trust. One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is to let your child know you believe in his or her abilities. “For example, when Bella offers to brush the dog, let her. But instead of micromanaging how she does it, say, ‘I trust you to do a great job,’” explained Pierce. “This small gesture sends a power message to your child, a vote of confidence that says, ‘You can do it’ and ‘You are capable.’”
- Build healthy self-esteem. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is the confidence they need to handle their own lives. Fostering this sense of independence can be achieved in small steps. Some that Dr. Pierce suggests include encouraging your kids to entertain themselves—without electronics. “Let them learn to play by themselves. Doing so will teach them self-reliance, foster creativity, and give them time for solo pursuits.” Similarly, Dr. Pierce urges parents to let their kids take care of homework on their own. “Check for completion, but don’t correct mistakes. Teachers get better information when children do their own work, and children learn valuable lessons about maintaining focus and taking pride in their work.”
Another suggestion: 
Assign chores that are meaningful. “Teach your children to clean up after themselves, starting with their toys and their clothes. Show them how to organize and manage their belongings. This will help them appreciate the value of their possessions and foster a sense of personal responsibility and respect,” said Dr. Pierce. “You’ll also help them to recognize that the success of their family depends on everyone’s contribution.”
Forget this notion of perfect parenting. The more you can accept yourself and recognize that there will be good days and bad days as a parent, the more accepting and attuned you can be of your children and their needs. As Dr. Pierce reminds us, having a positive, loving approach to yourself and your children is the key to raising healthy, confident kids in a not-so-perfect world.
couples often use it together to enhance foreplay and increase arousal. It becomes a problem when one uses it significantly for the following reasons:
value in the eyes of others but is also a major contributor for successful, and satisfying romantic relationships. Empathy is the ability to see a point of view from another’s perspective, even when their perspective is different from yours. It is when you let another know that they make sense, even if you don’t agree. For example, ” I see why you want to go to that movie, it got great reviews and you like movies with action and some violence but it’s really not my kind of movie and I’d prefer if you go with someone else”. Being able to tell your partner that they make sense, other than shaming them or putting them down for their feeling or choice is a component of empathy.
good enough maturation, people naturally acquire empathic skills as they interact with others, but some circumstances and manners of parenting are more conducive to fostering empathy than others. We don’t always need to be empathic, but when a situation calls for mutual understanding, a lack of empathy requires explanation. Under normal circumstances, people make sense to each other, and when they don’t, we expect people to be able to figure out why.
feeling of intense or growing anger. It is associated with the fight-or-flight response and often activated in response to a serious offense. The phrase, ‘thrown into a fit of rage,’ expresses the immediate nature of rage. We often hear about “road rage” regarding people expressing their anger while driving. If left unchecked rage may lead to violence. Depression and anxiety lead to an increased susceptibility to rage and luckily there is therapy and treatment for rage.
He does something that you dislike and you get upset. (Conclusion: his behavior dictates your happiness.
The Guardian Weekly (British Newspaper) dated 11/29/13. Most psychiatrists agree that antidepressants work for people with severe illness but are not supposed to be the first resort for those with mild depression. The article supports the use of antidepressants but says that, “Experience broadly shows that while antidepressants can be effective at treating symptoms of depression, it is talking therapies that will help patients understand what is happening to them, and how to avoid relapse. The chances of a recurrence of depression are far higher in people who do not have some form of psychiatric therapy than for those who do”. We know that drugs do work, but they can’t cure unhappiness. This article supports medication for clinical depression, yet stresses the value of psychotherapy to help people deal with and manage frustration, adversity, sadness and situational dilemmas.