areas of practice

Anxiety and Dreams

“A head full of fears has no space for dreams”

“What if’s” and worrying, can increase our anxiety. anxiety-and-dreams It can take control out of our life. “What if’s” are a sigh that we have reverted to thinking that people have to react in a particular way for us to be happy. They are also a clue that we may be wondering whether we can trust ourselves to do what’s best for us. Most of the things we worry about, never happen. Try and replace thoughts of fear, with faith in yourself that you know more than you think you do and that you can handle your life well, one day at a time. Sometime that leaves room for dreams where the possibilities are unlimited and things work out with ease.

For additional information regarding the effects of anxiety on your dreams and sleeping habits, feel free to contact me below.

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

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Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

“Change and Growth” for the New Year

” If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean a giving up of familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, relationships that have lost their meaning. As Dostoevsky put it, “taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. The real fear should be the opposite course.”

~ Gail Sheehy, author, New York

The New Year is a good time to think about change and what you’d like to see happen in your life. What attributes would you like to gain, what changes would you like to see? We may have outgrown people, patterns, expectations and situations. Are there people, attitudes, behaviors you’d like to release? Is it time to evaluate what is working in your life and what is not? It takes courage and strength to consider taking new steps or to create a new direction. What would you have to give up to get what you really want? If anything were possible, anything at all, what changes and possibilities would you like to experience and see happen in your life?

Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

Advertising and Ideal Female Beauty

Advertising supports women to spend womenandmarketing inordinate amounts of time, energy and money to have what the media portrays as ideal female beauty. The problem is that no women look like the air brushed and altered images that is portrayed in advertising. Even Cindy Crawford claims she doesn’t look like her images. Kate Winslet said that she did not look like an altered picture of her that was on the cover of a magazine and added that she did not want to look like that. The struggle to reach an unreachable goal can easily result in low self-esteem, anorexia, bulimia, depression, anxiety and shame.

The following 5 minute video is an excellent demonstration of how women are directly and indirectly manipulated by advertising. With this knowledge, we are less likely to be influenced by lies and deception.

Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

Long Term Effects of Lyme Disease

A good friend of mine has a son who has been bed ridden for several years now as a result of Lyme Disease. tick The treatment for this is long, inconvenient and controversial. Family therapy can often help members understand how it affects each family member and how to be supportive, empathetic and help the one you love. This article from the July issue of the New Yorker Magazine, is the best I have ever read which includes facts about the disease and the latest information on treatment. Please share it with anyone you know who could benefit.

Source:

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/07/01/130701fa_fact_specter?currentPage=all

Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

Predictors of Divorce – Four Predictors of Divorce

According to Dr. John Gottman, a well known author on couples counseling and relationship therapy, there are four predictors of divorce. These are not simply problems in a relationship, but he emphasizes, actual predictors of divorce.

They are: Criticism, Defensiveness, Withdrawal and Contempt.

Criticism is by far the most common problem that predicts the demise of a relationship. It is said that most people have had a critical parent. Continuing this pattern where you are criticized as an adult, is not healthy or good for the relationship. It can trigger old wounds. Even without a critical parent, criticism feels uncomfortable and unsupportive. To counteract criticism, try and change the criticism to a desire. For example, instead of “Your always late” you could say, “I really appreciate it when you are on time or early, that way I don’t worry about you”. Or instead of “You always leave your wet towels on the bathroom floor”, try “I like it when I walk in the bathroom and there are no wet towels on the floor. I especially appreciate you taking the time to do that, knowing it bothers me”.

Defensiveness is when we respond in a way to protect ourselves by attacking or pulling back from our partner. It’s the fight or flight response. Defensiveness is when we perceive we have been criticized and we cut our partners off. Instead, try and hear your partner out. You may want to repeat the criticism and even ask for more information. The goal is to be present, hear your partners frustration, and then discuss in a rational way, what can be done about the situation. It’s about being accountable, and coming to a solution where both are being heard and respected. For example, if your partner claims “I don’t think we’re having enough sex”, instead of attacking him/ her with how you think it’s not your fault, or how they are never available and how they are never home and always tired etc…you could repeat the perceived problem, “So, you don’t think we’re having enough sex?” and then say “tell me more” (about how they feel) and stay with this until you have heard your partners side and discuss until you both come to a better understanding of the problem and how it can be resolved.

Withdrawal is done in many ways by physically or emotionally not being present. This could be due to addiction, poor coping skills, fear of conflict, or passive aggressive behavior. It could look like anything that replaces spending quality time together. This could look like drinking, affairs, being a workaholic or spending an excessive amount of free time wrapped up in hobbies or activities that take away from a relationship. Instead, look at the effort you put in your relationship, knowing that it’s up to both people to be present and make it work. That the more you put in, the more you will benefit.

Contempt is harboring negative feelings towards your partner for a significant amount of time. It’s being mad for days and holding them in your heart in a bad place. Instead, try and resolve conflict and negative feelings towards each other quickly. Some people agree never to go to bed angry with each other. You might also think twice about complaining to others about your partner unless your friends can let you vent without holding resentment after you make up.

Being mindful of these predictors, can boost your self -esteem knowing you are doing your part in making the relationship work. Knowing how to replace the predictors of divorce with what to do instead , gives you skills to keep the relationship positive, happy and healthy. Keeping it healthy promotes better communication, trust and more intimacy.

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

Name*
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Filed Under: areas of practice, Marriage Counseling

BY Denise O'Doherty

Confidence vs. Self Esteem: The Keys To Having Healthy and Satisfying Relationships

Self esteem is the reputation we have with ourselves. It’s the way we feel about our self at any given time. How we see and feel about ourselves affects everything we do. It affects: our health, our relationships, our work performance and attitude towards others. Overall, it increases the chance of finding happiness. It makes it possible to cope with disappointments and changes, it affects how we see the world and our place in it. It affects how others see and treat us, it affects the choices we make and it affects our ability to give and receive love.

Without self esteem, we have an inability to feel powerful or in control. We are more vulnerable to depression and we have a tendency to see ourselves as less talented and less able.

Self esteem is not self-confidence. Feeling confident means you trust yourself to do something well and are confident in your ability to do it. You can feel confident about something you do well, but still feel bad about who you are.

How do we get self-esteem? By accomplishing things that have meaning to us. Through small and large successes that have significance to us and give our life meaning and value. When we do something that has meaning to us, we feel confident and good about ourselves.

We block self esteem when we give control of our lives over to other people, when we do things that take us away from who we are, and when we loose the desire and passion that connects us with our ability to participate in life.

When we have confidence and self-esteem, we feel good with our self, and we tend to be much more likely to connect with others and have healthy and satisfying relationships.

A part of having good self esteem and good relationships is being able to have good boundaries. Boundaries enhance our sense of who we are, enhance our sense of who others are and help us to recognize and respect our differences when challenged in relationships.

Do you have questions about self esteem or confidence? Have a friend or family member who need self esteem guidance? I can help!

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

Name*
First Last
Email*
Phone*
Specific Subject You Would Like To Discuss(required)*
How Did You Hear About Denise (required)*
Additional Information You Would Like Me To Know About:
Would you like to be added to my mailing list and receive occasional information on relationships, personal growth and health?
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Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

Proving It to Ourselves vs. Approval from Others

Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we’re good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we’re understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self-defeating behaviors.

They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we are not believing how good we are, that we’re good enough, that someone is hurting us.

They can be a warning that we’ve allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we’re stuck in that cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.

Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.

The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we’re good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling.

We are the ones that need to see the light.

-Melody Beattie – The Language of Letting Go

The more we want approval from others, the less we get it. Living a life that is not you for the sake of pleasing others, leads to anger, resentment, and misery. It can literally make people ill. Focus on your life, what works, where your passions lie and creating a life that feels successful to you. Your confidence, peace of mind, health and happiness are what matters. Do it for you. Ironically, it is your success and happiness that will be attract others to you.

This concept is essential for overcoming co-dependency, decreasing shame and guilt, increasing self-esteem and improving marriage and intimate relationships. It is often a core concept that when not understood or overcome, contributes to the pain underlying many addictions. I share it regularly in Individual Therapy and Marriage Counseling. Once fully understood and applied, it contributes living with serenity, peace of mind, supportive relationships and overall happiness.

Contact Denise O’Doherty for more details on overcoming self-defeating or co-dependency issues, contact Denise HERE.

Filed Under: areas of practice

BY Denise O'Doherty

Older Men Who Date Younger Women And How It Affects Your Children

Hello All! I am writing an article on Older Men who date Younger Women and am focusing on the perspective of the Older Man’s grown, adult children. So, If you are a son or daughter who’s father had dated or married someone much younger, or dated someone close to your age, I’d like to hear from you.

In the movie “Legally Blonde”, younger-women-dating-older-men Reese Witherspoon convicted a young girl who accidentally shot and killed her father, when she attempted to shoot his younger girlfriend. On the stand, the daughter yelled to the jury, “How would you feel if your father was dating someone as young as me?’ In the film, “Just Mick” (about Mick Jagger), his daughter called out to him as he was leaving their house, “have a good time tonight dad, but don’t date anyone younger than me”. The phenomenon of older men with younger women is not something new, and it appears to be increasing in our society with time. With this being the case, what is the effect on the adult children of these men? As in the two cases indicated above, both daughters had strong feelings about their fathers dating younger women / women their age.

How does this dating affect the adult sons and daughters of these older men? What feelings are triggered by this behavior? What situations did you find yourself dealing with as a result? How did it affect you? What situations have you encountered as a result of his dating someone much younger than he / or younger than you? What situations / feelings have you dealt with that you would not, if your father was with someone more his age? How has it affected your vision of your family, your relationship with your dad, your feelings about yourself, your future? Has it affected you on a physical, emotional, spiritual level?

Tell Me About Your Experience

As a Marriage and Family therapist, I believe this is a situation that has potential to come up more and more in individual therapy, couples therapy and family therapy. I believe it is particularly challenging for the adult children in this situation, and that they have a perspective that needs to be validated and heard. I would appreciate hearing your story/ feelings / concerns / experiences and how this topic has affected you, your situation, your life, your family.

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

Name*
First Last
Email*
Phone*
Specific Subject You Would Like To Discuss(required)*
How Did You Hear About Denise (required)*
Additional Information You Would Like Me To Know About:
Would you like to be added to my mailing list and receive occasional information on relationships, personal growth and health?
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Filed Under: areas of practice, Marriage Counseling

BY Denise O'Doherty

New No-refusal DUI Enforcement Laws Are More Strict Than Ever

There is a new Texas ruling regarding drinking and driving as explained to me today by Judge Jay Karahan who presides over Harris County Criminal Court #8. As of 2 weeks ago, Texas now has a “No Refusal” policy regarding alcohol testing that is in effect 24/7, 365 days a year. That means that if you are pulled over and charged with a DWI, and you refuse the breathalyzer, you will be given a mandatory blood test, at the police station or a medical facility. The Supreme Court says this is OK since alcohol in your system is considered evidence of a crime. You no longer can refuse a breathalyzer and have a hearing to argue the case since there was a “lack of concrete medical evidence”. If you are suspected of drinking and driving, and refuse a breathalyzer, the new policy ensures you will be tested, via blood, through a search warrant by the arresting officer, a judge or magistrate.

As a drug and alcohol counselor, who teaches DWI Offender Education Classes, I’ll continue to say, that you will have an even better time by eliminating the worry and stress from any legal problems by getting a designated driver or a taxi. This extra attention done ahead of time, can prevent the tremendous emotional and financial stress of getting a DWI. As always, let’s have a good time, but not drink and drive.

Do you have an alcohol addiction problem? Have a friend who you think may have a problem with alcohol or drugs? I can help!

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

Name*
First Last
Email*
Phone*
Specific Subject You Would Like To Discuss(required)*
How Did You Hear About Denise (required)*
Additional Information You Would Like Me To Know About:
Would you like to be added to my mailing list and receive occasional information on relationships, personal growth and health?
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Filed Under: areas of practice, Substance Abuse

BY Denise O'Doherty

5th Annual Texas Transgender Nondiscrimination Summit

Hello Everyone!

Today concluded the end of an exciting and informative two day seminar at University of Houston called the “5th Annual Texas Transgender Nondiscrimination Summit”. The purpose of the Summit is to:

1) look at strategic approaches to the issues of social justice and policy implementation regarding gender identity and gender expression and
2) to educate others on how to implement these inclusive policies in education, academia, medical settings, and other institutions.

Presentations included Transgender Legal Issues, Texas Trans History, Helping Transgender students thrive on college Campuses, Trans health, Tips for Teaching Transgender to Health Professionals, the history of the LGBTQ Movement at Texas A&M University, just to name a few. Seminar leaders included a Judge, several lawyers, PhD’s, transgender advocates, psychotherapists and community leaders. In addition to thought provoking and educational presentations, there were lists of transgender resources available and a list of Texas Educational Systems with Inclusive Nondiscrimination Statements. I was glad to see that Houston ISD, Rice, University of Texas at Austin, South Texas College of Law and HCCS, Our Lady of the Lake at San Antonio, Texas Christian University, Southern Methodist University and Trinity University at San Antonio were all included as having inclusive nondiscrimination statements just to name a few. Overall, the conference was state of the art, dealing with issues that are timely and ever present in our society. To say the least, transgender awareness has come a long way in the past couple of decades. As a psychotherapist who works with transgender individuals and their families, the conference further emphasized for me the need for education to others regarding transgender issues and the need for implementation of policies to protect equal rights and respect towards those with various gender identities and gender expression.

For those of you who are interested, there will be another conference in Houston July 26 and 27 hosted by Depelchin Children’s Center. It will feature regional leaders discussing collaborative support for families with gender-variant children and youth. July 26 is continuing education for professionals and July 27 is a workshop for parents and caretakers. The workshops will address families’ access to professional resources through childhood and adolescence. For more information you can call DePelchin at 713-730-2335.

Filed Under: areas of practice, gender dysphoria