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Denise O’Doherty

Denise O’Doherty

Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Drug and Alcohol Counselor, Registered Nurse

  • Relationship Counseling
    • Couples Therapy
    • Marriage Counseling & Family Therapy
    • Premarital Counseling
    • Domestic Abuse Counseling
    • IMAGO Relationship Therapy
    • LGBTQ Couples Therapy
  • Substance Abuse
    • Alcohol & Drug Addiction
    • SALCE Evaluations
  • Gender Identity / LGBTQ
    • A Guide For Parents of Transgender Children
    • Parents of Transgender Children
    • Gender Related Topics
      • Gender Dysphoria
      • Cross-Dressing
      • Adult Children of Transgender Parents
    • LGBTQ Related Topics
      • LGBTQ Issues
      • Corporate Sensitivity Training
  • Other Areas of Practice
    • Anxiety/Depression
    • BiPolar Disorder
    • Codependency/Personal Boundaries
    • Grief Counseling / Grief Therapy
    • Love Addiction/Love Avoidance
    • Overcoming Shame /Increasing Self-Esteem
    • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • Dissociative Disorders
  • Blog
Home » self esteem counseling

self esteem counseling

November 15, 2018 | BY Denise O'Doherty

The Holidays and Forgiveness

The holidays are approaching and they are meant to be a time of great joy and love. You can see the beginnings of planning and anticipation wherever you go. Stores and streets are decorated. Commercials have holiday themes and people are making decisions now as to how they are going to celebrate.

To enjoy the holidays fully, some of us need to give up the blocks and resistance that prevent us from experiencing the magic and possibilities of being fully present and fully able to accept the good that is all around us. Blocks such as anger, resentment and blaming can get in our way. Most people have someone in their life who they feel has treated them wrong. They hurt our feelings, left us in a difficult situation, maybe even betrayed us. Maybe we were treated in a way that we never thought possible, or never thought possible by that particular person. But it happened.

We can never change what happened in the past. Our acceptance of their behavior can put us back in control to make decisions that are best for us. Once we face and accept the truth of what happened, we can stop struggling. We don’t have to let someone else’s poor, neglectful or abusive behavior control our happiness.  We can develop healthy boundaries, have healthy friends and avoid toxic people. Let go of people, thoughts and behaviors that don’t serve you.

It’s never OK for someone to hurt someone else. Never. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened is OK. Forgiveness is about letting go of the negative hold it has on you.

It’s time to grieve our losses and let go of our blocks to personal freedom. Don’t give your happiness over to someone else.

Once we fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept what happened and forgive, we can feel joy and love once again. Let go of blocks that prevent you from living fully and having a good time. It is our responsibility to make our life work and make it work well. Be good to yourself and by being open to the celebrations, joy, warmth and love that you see all around you. Enjoy the holidays! You can choose to make them a great time for you!

Filed Under: anger management, couples counseling, Marriage Counseling, premarital counseling, relationship counseling, self esteem, self esteem counseling
January 6, 2017 | BY Denise O'Doherty

“Personal Boundaries and Effective Confrontation” presentation by Denise O’Doherty

Presented for The Women’s Group at First Universalist Unitarian Church
5210 Fannin St., Houston (MAP)
Sunday, January 15 at 10:30
No charge. All women are welcome.

Denise O’Doherty, psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, will give tips and insights on how we can better define, love and protect ourselves through “Personal Boundaries and Effective Confrontation”.  Good boundaries affect everything we do. They give us freedom to be ourselves and they teach others how to treat us. Topics addressed will be what gets in the way of having good boundaries, the difference between rigid and flexible boundaries, and how to deal with passive and aggressive people by understanding their cost and payoff. Boundary setting tips, self-esteem, codependency, shame and guilt will also be addressed. She will conclude with an outline for us a step by step way to confront someone effectively.

Denise will begin with a short review of “Stages of Grief” by special request, for those dealing with feelings of loss post-election.

Visit her website at:

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For questions: call Denise at 713-524-9525

Filed Under: couples counseling, Marriage Counseling, relationship counseling, self esteem counseling
September 23, 2014 | BY Denise O'Doherty

10 Toxic Behaviors that Kill Your Confidence

Two decades ago, when the bullies at our high school called her a nerd for being a virgin and a straight-A student, my best friend Sara smiled and confidently said, “Thank you.  I’m really proud of it.”  She honestly was.  What those bullies said never bothered her one bit.  And this is just one tiny example of Sara’s incredible self-confidence.

So, pulling from a decade of experience as a life coach, in an effort to help Lane walk more closely Sara’s footsteps, here are some toxic, confidence-killing behaviors to avoid:

  1. Getting caught up in lots of needless drama. – Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason.  Don’t buy in to their propaganda.  Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.  Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities.  Rather than being annoyed, be amused.  Instead of getting angry, become curious.  In place of envy, feel admiration.  Life is too short to argue, fight or be negative in any way.  Count your blessings, value the people who matter and move on from the drama with your head held high.
  2. Seeking approval from everyone around you.self esteem counseling, Building Your Self Confidence, Confidence, – Confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet.  They are aware that not all people agree on things, and that’s just how life works.  They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.  So never let the opinions of the masses define who you are or what you can or can’t do.  When you let go of the need to impress everyone, that’s when you begin to be truly impressive to the few people who actually matter.  And when you earn the trust and respect of these select few people, no matter where you go or what you try, you will do it with confidence – because you know the people who matter are behind you.
  3. Making excuse after excuse after excuse. – Have a plan that’s bigger than your excuses.  There is so very much to touch, to do, to create, and to experience.  Confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions.  They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work – they know THEY were late.  They don’t excuse their shortcomings with excuses like “I don’t have time” or “I’m just not good enough” – they make the time and they keep on improving until they see results.  Even a tiny effort is infinitely more productive than a big, impressive excuse.  So stop seeing every obstacle as an excuse and start seeing those obstacles as forming a pathway to your goals.
  4. Ignoring or second-guessing your intuition. – Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from your previous life experiences.  If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason.  When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts.  Believe in yourself.  Know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.
  5. Disempowering yourself with weak language. – Confident people use words with intention.  Consider the difference between these two aspiring bloggers:  One says, “Yes, I am a blogger.  You like meditation and yoga too?  Excellent!  We need to connect – check out my new mindfulness guide I just posted at…” vs. “Well, I am trying to blog but am not sure I am doing it right (nervous giggle).  I wish I had started sooner… blah, blah.”  Who do you think gets the most views, comments and social shares?  Bottom line:  If you’re trying to build something or become something, own it and speak like you mean it.
  6. Thinking, “Why me?  Why me?”self esteem counseling, Building Your Self Confidence, Confidence, – On the contrary, confident people think, “Why not me?”  Sadly though, many people feel they have to wait: to be hired, to be good enough, to be chosen – like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be “discovered.”  But confident people know that access is basically universal these days (especially if you’re online reading this article).  They can connect with almost anyone through social media.  (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.)  They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products and services, build their own networks of clients and partners, choose their own path – they can choose to follow their dreams.  And very quietly, without calling too much attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
  7. Needing to always be right. –  Confident people take a stand not because they think they’re always right, but because they’re not scared to be wrong.  Cocky, conceited people tend to take a position and then preach, argue, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view.  They “know” they’re right (even when they’re wrong) and they want (actually, they need) you to know it too.  Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the trademark of a bully.  Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong.  They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right.  And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.
  8. Talking just to hear yourself talk. – Begging for attention by talking constantly is just another mask for insecurity.  Thus, confident people are often quiet and unassuming, and they listen as much if not more than they speak.  They already know what they think, so they want to know what you think.  Follow in their footsteps by asking open-ended questions on the topic of discussion, and give others the freedom to be thoughtful, introspective and resourceful.  Ask questions like: What do you do?  How do you do it?  What have you learned from it?  What would you do differently if you were starting over?  And so forth.  Ask these questions to learn, because you know a lot, but not everything, and the only way to learn more is to listen more.
  9. Letting success get to your head or failure get to your heart. self esteem counseling, Building Your Self Confidence, Confidence,– If success makes you arrogant, you haven’t really succeeded.  If failure makes you determined, you haven’t really failed.  Period.  Think about success and failure differently.  Don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and don’t get a big head when everything goes right either.  Be a humble, life-long learner.  Create, enjoy, learn, love, experience, succeed, fail, persevere, make mistakes, make progress, take risks, and find the treasure in each day.
  10. Hiding from new life experiences. – Get out there.  Let life touch you.  Yes, it will hurt sometimes.  But the pain will be much deeper if you build an impenetrable wall around yourself – your own 100-foot tall wall of comfort – your own self-inflicted prison sentence.  Life is too short for that.  Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all.  You have too many beautiful places to go.  Today is full of possibility.  Now, do something about it.
Filed Under: areas of practice, self esteem counseling
June 2, 2013 | BY Denise O'Doherty

Self Esteem: Tips on Building Self Esteem

Self-esteem is the reflection of a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.

Since your self-esteem affects almost every aspect of your life, I wanted to share with you a few tips on building or re-building your self-esteem in a healthy and productive manner.

  1. Self Esteem comes from accomplishments you have achieved that have  meaning to you.
  2. Never give up your dreams to make others happy.
  3. You are the sum total of your choices. You can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you respond to what happens.
  4. Everyone has problems. Try to recognize the potential for growth in every situation.
  5. Someone else’s opinion of you is just that.
  6. You get treated in life the way you treat people to treat you.
  7. Set emotional boundaries that support you. You have the right to say “no”.
  8. You, and only you, are responsible for your life.
  9. Say positive, supportive, encouraging things to yourself.
  10.  Your attitude determines how well you manage your challenges.
  11.  The universe always says yes to what you believe.
  12.  We form our future by the thoughts we think today.
  13.  Know and accept your strengths and talents. Use them to grow into your full-potential, living a life with meaning and purpose.
  14.  A high IQ, physical strength, beauty or achievements do not insure emotional health.
  15.  It is healthy to love and nurture yourself before saying “yes” to others’ wishes or needs. It is important to balance giving and receiving.
  16.  You are worthy of love and respect: it is not based upon what you do, but who you are.
  17.  Self-Awareness is important to help you change and grow. You are always capable of learning new things.
  18.  It empowers you to know your inner self. Your true self can direct your life, help you overcome negative conditioning and help you to live from a place of integrity, balance, and strength.
  19.  When you love yourself, you are a mirror to help others love themselves.
  20.  The purpose of life is a life of purpose. You feel purpose when you do what has meaning to you. Your passion about what you do is your gift. Purpose is connected to happiness.
  21.  Success and happiness come from being connected to your authentic self and doing what is right for you – not doing what you think others expect from you.
  22.  Worrying about your reputation is like saying others thoughts about you are more important than your own thoughts about you.
  23.  Jealousy is putting your happiness in the hands of someone else. Self confident people don’t worry largely about jealousy because they know they are worthy of being loved.
  24.  Having low self-esteem is a way of blocking love.
  25.  Create your vision despite adversity.
  26.  Try and make every interaction, an interaction of increase.

How Can I Help?

Rebuilding your self-esteem can take some time. In many cases, you do not realize the stressors in your life that may be adversely affecting your self-esteem. Together we can identify those topics in your life that need to be addressed to maintain a health sense of self worth.

Contact me at 713-823-4001 or fill out the form below. I welcome your call so we can discuss your specific situation and the benefits therapy may provide for you.

Filed Under: areas of practice
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