self esteem counseling
3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Wishing you peace, serenity and joy….Denise3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
With the busy summer holiday season in full force we find that we have very little time to sit still long enough to bring inner peace and calm to our lives. Here are a few ways to help cope with the stress of the holidays while promoting health at the same time.
1. Keep expectations and commitments balanced. It’s important to understand that you cannot get everything that you want to get done and that not everything is going to be perfect. Taking on too much and putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything be perfect is a sure fire way to elevate our cortisol (our stress hormone).
2. Put yourself on a budget. One of the most significant sources of holiday stress is related to the money that we spend on parties and decorations. Setting a budget for yourself ahead of time will help you determine how much you are willing to spend on certain things. With a budget in place, you’re less likely to overspend and therefore will have less stress during and after the holidays.
3. Eat your vegetables and remember to exercise. Most people gain weight during the holidays because there are plenty of sugary treats around and on top of that there’s little time to exercise with all the holiday activities planned. Eating plenty of vegetables which are full in fiber will help to curb cravings for sweets and will help you to pass the treat table without stopping. Without much time to set aside to get to the gym, incorporating as much movement as possible is important in balancing our mood and reducing stress. Taking 10 minutes to go for a walk or organizing a short a dance party with family members to holiday music are a couple of ways to incorporate movement into your busy day without having to go to the gym.
Courtesy of http://www.myvitawellness.com
Daily Affirmation
Top 10 Tips for Asserting Your Agenda
- Identify your agenda: Ask yourself: “what is it that I really want in this situation?” (be honest!)
- Give yourself permission to go after it: Its OK for you to want something or to have a need, even if others want or need something else. Your need is important too. Ask yourself if it feels like you have permission to want it.
- Give yourself time: Don’t just “give-in” because someone is being persuasive or because you’re in the habit of deferring. You can say “I really need to think about that” or “we need to discuss it”.
- Say what you want: Let yourself say it, don’t assume others know. In a relationship or friendship also say why and what your feeling about it.
- Make sure you’ve been heard: “I want to make sure you’ve understood my point of view, can you tell me what you heard?” Get the other person to reflect it back and if they get it wrong tell them. Keep doing this until you’ve been heard correctly.
- Don’t accept having your thought dismissed: That’s just bad behavior and you can call them on it: “that sounds dismissive” or “you’re being dismissive”, or “it’s not OK to just dismiss my point of view”.
- Beware of manipulation: We don’t always get your way in life but we can require others to negotiate in an honest way – don’t accept emotional blackmail or manipulation – even if you have in the past. Call them on it – “I feel like you’re manipulating me”.
- Know your fears: ask yourself what is it you’re fearing that’s holding you back from going after this thing. What are you afraid will happen if you get your way?
- Do a priority check-up: if you are allowing someone else’s needs to have priority over yours ask yourself if that is really what you want and if its appropriate in this situation.
- Do the best friend check: if your best friend described the situation to you, what would you want him/her to do? Think about this one!
10 Toxic Behaviors that Kill Your Confidence
- Getting caught up in lots of needless drama. – Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Don’t buy in to their propaganda. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own. Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities. Rather than being annoyed, be amused. Instead of getting angry, become curious. In place of envy, feel admiration. Life is too short to argue, fight or be negative in any way. Count your blessings, value the people who matter and move on from the drama with your head held high.
- Seeking approval from everyone around you. – Confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They are aware that not all people agree on things, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them. So never let the opinions of the masses define who you are or what you can or can’t do. When you let go of the need to impress everyone, that’s when you begin to be truly impressive to the few people who actually matter. And when you earn the trust and respect of these select few people, no matter where you go or what you try, you will do it with confidence – because you know the people who matter are behind you.
- Making excuse after excuse after excuse. – Have a plan that’s bigger than your excuses. There is so very much to touch, to do, to create, and to experience. Confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work – they know THEY were late. They don’t excuse their shortcomings with excuses like “I don’t have time” or “I’m just not good enough” – they make the time and they keep on improving until they see results. Even a tiny effort is infinitely more productive than a big, impressive excuse. So stop seeing every obstacle as an excuse and start seeing those obstacles as forming a pathway to your goals.
- Ignoring or second-guessing your intuition. – Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from your previous life experiences. If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason. When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts. Believe in yourself. Know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.
- Disempowering yourself with weak language. – Confident people use words with intention. Consider the difference between these two aspiring bloggers: One says, “Yes, I am a blogger. You like meditation and yoga too? Excellent! We need to connect – check out my new mindfulness guide I just posted at…” vs. “Well, I am trying to blog but am not sure I am doing it right (nervous giggle). I wish I had started sooner… blah, blah.” Who do you think gets the most views, comments and social shares? Bottom line: If you’re trying to build something or become something, own it and speak like you mean it.
- Thinking, “Why me? Why me?” – On the contrary, confident people think, “Why not me?” Sadly though, many people feel they have to wait: to be hired, to be good enough, to be chosen – like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be “discovered.” But confident people know that access is basically universal these days (especially if you’re online reading this article). They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products and services, build their own networks of clients and partners, choose their own path – they can choose to follow their dreams. And very quietly, without calling too much attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
- Needing to always be right. – Confident people take a stand not because they think they’re always right, but because they’re not scared to be wrong. Cocky, conceited people tend to take a position and then preach, argue, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They “know” they’re right (even when they’re wrong) and they want (actually, they need) you to know it too. Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the trademark of a bully. Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.
- Talking just to hear yourself talk. – Begging for attention by talking constantly is just another mask for insecurity. Thus, confident people are often quiet and unassuming, and they listen as much if not more than they speak. They already know what they think, so they want to know what you think. Follow in their footsteps by asking open-ended questions on the topic of discussion, and give others the freedom to be thoughtful, introspective and resourceful. Ask questions like: What do you do? How do you do it? What have you learned from it? What would you do differently if you were starting over? And so forth. Ask these questions to learn, because you know a lot, but not everything, and the only way to learn more is to listen more.
- Letting success get to your head or failure get to your heart. – If success makes you arrogant, you haven’t really succeeded. If failure makes you determined, you haven’t really failed. Period. Think about success and failure differently. Don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and don’t get a big head when everything goes right either. Be a humble, life-long learner. Create, enjoy, learn, love, experience, succeed, fail, persevere, make mistakes, make progress, take risks, and find the treasure in each day.
- Hiding from new life experiences. – Get out there. Let life touch you. Yes, it will hurt sometimes. But the pain will be much deeper if you build an impenetrable wall around yourself – your own 100-foot tall wall of comfort – your own self-inflicted prison sentence. Life is too short for that. Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all. You have too many beautiful places to go. Today is full of possibility. Now, do something about it.
10 Tips To Gain Emotion Health, A Happier Life, & Stronger Relationships
10 Tips To Gain Emotion Health, A Happier Life, & Stronger Relationships
A Special Note From Denise
It is no secret that we all want to feel happy, and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Did you know that happiness, joy and peace are your natural state of being? Yes, it is. Every other emotional feeling is a learned response to circumstances… everything! You have inadvertently learned to feel the way you are feeling right now, learned to settle for less than you really want, to make choices that fall short of happiness, and to accept not having your needs met. In fact, you may have mistakenly come to believe that’s just how life is. But, what you have learned is now holding you back like invisible, elusive walls. Happiness is not something you have to strive for or achieve. It’s a state of being that happens when your needs are being met and you are in balance. Depression, anxiety, frustration, anger, worry, stress, lethargy, guilt, fear, abandonment, judgment, grief, sadness, victimization, suicide, and every other negative state is simply a result of not getting your needs meet … of not knowing how to get your needs met. In this state you are out of balance, disempowered. Your life spins out of balance and spirals downward … or it simply stalls and you go nowhere. There is hope! There is a way to stop this cycle and reach your emotional and happiness goals. Stop settling, and begin to live again. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your emotional health and bring more happiness into your life. I hope you enjoy this information and it helps you in living a more happy life. Sincerely,Denise O’Doherty