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Denise O’Doherty

Denise O’Doherty

Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Drug and Alcohol Counselor, Registered Nurse

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Home » Articles » Top 10 Tips for Asserting Your Agenda

Top 10 Tips for Asserting Your Agenda

September 30, 2014 by Denise O'Doherty

For all those who need some help asserting their own wishes and needs.

  • Identify your agenda: Ask yourself: “what is it that I really want in this situation?” (be honest!)how-to-be-assertive
  • Give yourself permission to go after it:  Its OK for you to want something or to have a need, even if others want or need something else.  Your need is important too.  Ask yourself if it feels like you have permission to want it.
  • Give yourself time: Don’t just “give-in” because someone is being persuasive or because you’re in the habit of deferring. You can say “I really need to think about that” or “we need to discuss it”.
  • Say what you want: Let yourself say it, don’t assume others know. In a relationship or friendship also say why and what your feeling about it.
  • Make sure you’ve been heard: “I want to make sure you’ve understood my point of view, can you tell me what you heard?”  Get the other person to reflect it back and if they get it wrong tell them.  Keep doing this until you’ve been heard correctly.
  • Don’t accept having your thought dismissed: That’s just bad behavior and you can call them on it: “that sounds dismissive” or “you’re being dismissive”, or “it’s not OK to just dismiss my point of view”.
  • Beware of manipulation: We don’t always get your way in life but we can require others to negotiate in an honest way – don’t accept emotional blackmail or manipulation – even if you have in the past.  Call them on it – “I feel like you’re manipulating me”.
  • Know your fears: ask yourself what is it you’re fearing that’s holding you back from going after this thing.  What are you afraid will happen if you get your way?
  • Do a priority check-up: if you are allowing someone else’s needs to have priority over yours ask yourself if that is really what you want and if its appropriate in this situation.
  • Do the best friend check: if your best friend described the situation to you, what would you want him/her to do?  Think about this one!

 

            by Ami B. Kaplan, LCSW,
            Psychotherapy and Psyoanalysis, New York City

 

Category: areas of practice, couples counseling, Marriage Counseling, relationship counseling, self esteem counseling

About Denise O’Doherty

Denise O’Doherty, LPC, MSN, LMFT, RN, a native New Yorker, is a psychotherapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified IMAGO Relationship Therapist and Registered Nurse. In addition to her 25-year, full-time private practice in Houston, Texas, she is an educator, lecturer and author. Denise presents regularly to professional, corporate and civic organizations on personal development and transgender education. She has been a Clinical Instructor for the University of Texas at Houston School of Nursing. Her warm and engaging style provides enlightenment, clarity and insight. She inspires confidence while helping others seek positive change. Denise specializes in Gender Identity Issues, Marriage and Family Therapy, Relationship Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, Addiction, Recovery and Codependency.

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