According to Dr. John Gottman, a well known author on couples counseling and relationship therapy, there are four predictors of divorce. These are not simply problems in a relationship, but he emphasizes, actual predictors of divorce.
They are: Criticism, Defensiveness, Withdrawal and Contempt.
Criticism is by far the most common problem that predicts the demise of a relationship. 
It is said that most people have had a critical parent. Continuing this pattern where you are criticized as an adult, is not healthy or good for the relationship. It can trigger old wounds. Even without a critical parent, criticism feels uncomfortable and unsupportive. To counteract criticism, try and change the criticism to a desire. For example, instead of “Your always late” you could say, “I really appreciate it when you are on time or early, that way I don’t worry about you”. Or instead of “You always leave your wet towels on the bathroom floor”, try “I like it when I walk in the bathroom and there are no wet towels on the floor. I especially appreciate you taking the time to do that, knowing it bothers me”.
Defensiveness is when we respond in a way to protect ourselves by attacking or pulling back from our partner. It’s the fight or flight response. Defensiveness is when we perceive we have been criticized and we cut our partners off. Instead, try and hear your partner out. You may want to repeat the criticism and even ask for more information. The goal is to be present, hear your partners frustration, and then discuss in a rational way, what can be done about the situation. It’s about being accountable, and coming to a solution where both are being heard and respected. For example, if your partner claims “I don’t think we’re having enough sex”, instead of attacking him/ her with how you think it’s not your fault, or how they are never available and how they are never home and always tired etc…you could repeat the perceived problem, “So, you don’t think we’re having enough sex?” and then say “tell me more” (about how they feel) and stay with this until you have heard your partners side and discuss until you both come to a better understanding of the problem and how it can be resolved.
Withdrawal is done in many ways by physically or emotionally not being present. This could be due to addiction, poor coping skills, fear of conflict, or passive aggressive behavior. It could look like anything that replaces spending quality time together. This could look like drinking, affairs, being a workaholic or spending an excessive amount of free time wrapped up in hobbies or activities that take away from a relationship. Instead, look at the effort you put in your relationship, knowing that it’s up to both people to be present and make it work. That the more you put in, the more you will benefit.
Contempt is harboring negative feelings towards your partner for a significant amount of time. It’s being mad for days and holding them in your heart in a bad place. Instead, try and resolve conflict and negative feelings towards each other quickly. Some people agree never to go to bed angry with each other. You might also think twice about complaining to others about your partner unless your friends can let you vent without holding resentment after you make up.
Being mindful of these predictors, can boost your self -esteem knowing you are doing your part in making the relationship work. Knowing how to replace the predictors of divorce with what to do instead , gives you skills to keep the relationship positive, happy and healthy. Keeping it healthy promotes better communication, trust and more intimacy.
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How we see and feel about ourselves affects everything we do. It affects: our health, our relationships, our work performance and attitude towards others. Overall, it increases the chance of finding happiness. It makes it possible to cope with disappointments and changes, it affects how we see the world and our place in it. It affects how others see and treat us, it affects the choices we make and it affects our ability to give and receive love.
Reese Witherspoon convicted a young girl who accidentally shot and killed her father, when she attempted to shoot his younger girlfriend. On the stand, the daughter yelled to the jury, “How would you feel if your father was dating someone as young as me?’ In the film, “Just Mick” (about Mick Jagger), his daughter called out to him as he was leaving their house, “have a good time tonight dad, but don’t date anyone younger than me”. The phenomenon of older men with younger women is not something new, and it appears to be increasing in our society with time. With this being the case, what is the effect on the adult children of these men? As in the two cases indicated above, both daughters had strong feelings about their fathers dating younger women / women their age.
drink and drive as long as they are not drunk. Many of us have driven home after having one or two drinks (or more), and have not thought much about it. We are all aware that the legal blood alcohol level is .08. This means that anything over .08 means one is legally “drunk” and, if pulled over, would be given a DWI. To some, this means that if you get pulled over, and are asked to take a breathylyzer test and you are under .08, you would be OK and not arrested. THIS IS NOT TRUE.
are given between 10:30pm and 2:30am, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. People are initially pulled over for things like not using their signal when changing lanes, rolling through a stop sign, going through a yellow light, swerving while driving, driving with your lights off or making a turn from the wrong lane. Because alcohol is served at a great deal of social events in the evening, the police often find that many people who are pulled over for the above, have also been drinking. Therefore, it would be wise to drive carefully to avoid bringing unwanted attention to your driving.