Cross-Dressers
Male Cross-Dressing
and Relationships
For a male
cross-dresser, the desire to wear women’s clothes and
take on a female persona is often a difficult concept
to accept given society’s stereotypical view of what a
male should be. Psychotherapy can help a male cross-dresser
live and express this part of his being in a positive
way.
For a partner suddenly
faced with the issue of for the first time, cross-dressing
is potentially a Pandora’s box of often confusing and
troubling issues.
Psychotherapy will not
make the desire to wear women’s clothes and adopt a female
persona go away. What psychotherapy can do however, is
to help a cross dresser and/or partner work through the
issues that get in the way of acceptance and/or integration
of cross-dressing into a conventional relationship.
My approach to cross-dressing
is that it is workable and manageable for an individual
endeavoring to come to grips with the issue, and, within
in a loving relationship where there is a mutual desire
to make things work. I can also give guidance regarding
effective ways as to “come out” to a partner.
My efforts are directed
towards providing all parties with the appropriate information,
help and guidance to assist in achieving goals.
I put emphasis on setting
out guidelines to be implemented in order to achieve a
positive outcome. The objective is to promote mutual respect
and a deeper appreciation for one’s self and one’s partner.
In a relationship, each party needs to realize that their
behavior relating to the issue affects the other is significant
ways and the relationship will benefit greatly if each
party fully understand the other’s wants, needs and concerns.
For both parties, understanding the other’s personal boundaries
is imperative.
My work identifies issues,
helps deal with feelings and provides logical and empathetic
answers to difficult questions across a wide-range of
cross-dressing sub-issues that often arise. These sub-issues
sometimes touch on religion, parents, family or ethnic
culture.
Providing information
is particularly important for partners who at the outset
normally have practically NO knowledge as to the issue.
Confusion, shock, fear denial, anger, questioning the
viability of the relationship or a feeling of being overwhelmed
are sometimes initial responses. It is worth emphasizing
that the vast majority of male cross-dressers are entirely
heterosexual.
Psychotherapy provides
a confidential place for a partner to be heard and be
validated and to generally to talk through these issues.
For some, it is important to realize that male cross-dressing
does not adversely reflect upon the partner’s rôle within
the relationship. Similarly, it is useful not to lose
sight of the characteristics, values and behaviors that
you respected and loved about each other when you first
met. Those characteristics and values are still there!
Psychotherapy can help
deal with feelings and assist in making decisions on how
to cope with the situation and can even strengthen the
relationship. Partners are occasionally surprised that
in the longer-term, sometimes there are upsides (over
and above extending your wardrobe!) that comes out of
sharing the “big secret”. Think about the potential for
enhancement of closeness, increased consideration of the
other’s needs, improved ability to express feelings, mood
improvement, and greater capacity for intimacy and sexual
participation.
Needs in relationships
are endless, so are the solutions.
Presentations:
