Cross-Dresser
Male Cross-Dressing
and Relationships
For a male cross-dresser,
the desire to wear women’s clothes and take on a female persona
is often a difficult concept to accept given society’s stereotypical
view of what a male should be. Psychotherapy can help a male
cross-dresser live and express this part of his being in a
positive way.
For a partner suddenly faced
with the issue of for the first time, cross-dressing is potentially
a Pandora’s box of often confusing and troubling issues.
Psychotherapy will not make
the desire to wear women’s clothes and adopt a female persona
go away. What psychotherapy can do however, is to help a cross
dresser and/or partner work through the issues that get in
the way of acceptance and/or integration of cross-dressing
into a conventional relationship.
My approach to cross-dressing
is that it is workable and manageable for an individual endeavoring
to come to grips with the issue, and, within in a loving relationship
where there is a mutual desire to make things work. I can
also give guidance regarding effective ways as to “come out”
to a partner.
My efforts are directed towards
providing all parties with the appropriate information, help
and guidance to assist in achieving goals.
I put emphasis on setting
out guidelines to be implemented in order to achieve a positive
outcome. The objective is to promote mutual respect and a
deeper appreciation for one’s self and one’s partner. In a
relationship, each party needs to realize that their behavior
relating to the issue affects the other is significant ways
and the relationship will benefit greatly if each party fully
understand the other’s wants, needs and concerns. For both
parties, understanding the other’s personal boundaries is
imperative.
My work identifies issues,
helps deal with feelings and provides logical and empathetic
answers to difficult questions across a wide-range of cross-dressing
sub-issues that often arise. These sub-issues sometimes touch
on religion, parents, family or ethnic culture.
Providing information is particularly
important for partners who at the outset normally have practically
NO knowledge as to the issue. Confusion, shock, fear denial,
anger, questioning the viability of the relationship or a
feeling of being overwhelmed are sometimes initial responses.
It is worth emphasizing that the vast majority of male cross-dressers
are entirely heterosexual.
Psychotherapy provides a confidential
place for a partner to be heard and be validated and to generally
to talk through these issues. For some, it is important to
realize that male cross-dressing does not adversely reflect
upon the partner’s rôle within the relationship. Similarly,
it is useful not to lose sight of the characteristics, values
and behaviors that you respected and loved about each other
when you first met. Those characteristics and values are still
there!
Psychotherapy can help deal
with feelings and assist in making decisions on how to cope
with the situation and can even strengthen the relationship.
Partners are occasionally surprised that in the longer-term,
sometimes there are upsides (over and above extending your
wardrobe!) that comes out of sharing the “big secret”. Think
about the potential for enhancement of closeness, increased
consideration of the other’s needs, improved ability to express
feelings, mood improvement, and greater capacity for intimacy
and sexual participation.
Needs in relationships are
endless, so are the solutions.
Presentations:
