Therapy for Couples

Couples come to therapy for many reasons but overall for one or more of the following: better communication, more trust, more emotional intimacy or more sexual intimacy.

Often, one partner wants the other to have more empathy, compassion and a better understanding of their perspective. Sometimes people don’t feel safe asking for what they need/ want in the relationship. Sometimes people ask for what they want but never seem to get it. Whatever the reason, couples are often at an impasse, unable to get the empathy and understanding they need from each other by themselves.

Therapy can provide lasting results when re-evaluating what is working and what you’d like to see differently in the relationship.

Statistics today (2008) identify the four predictors of divorce to be:
1) criticism, 2) defensiveness, 3)withdrawal and 4) contempt. Criticism is the main offender. Couples therapy is about eliminating these adverse coping skills and replacing them with effective skills, loving, insights and techniques to develop and enhance a partnership based on love, safety, support and passion.

As the therapist, I see my role as a coach, giving attention, support and direction to helping couples develop what they need to make the break through rather than a break up.

Together we will:

On the first visit, I usually ask the couple to come up with three responses to:
“This relationship would be better for me if……1)…. 2)….. 3)….. ”.

The goal of therapy is to make changes so the couple will have increased satisfaction and feel more love and connection in the relationship. I use many different, short term, effective approaches to do this.

Since values and beliefs are a main staple of therapy, therapy can get you in touch with what is important to you. It gives both people insights about what they want to see differently in themselves and what they want to see differently in their partner. For couples that decide not to stay together, therapy can give you insight to know yourself better and know what you might want differently next time.

I also meet with couples prior to weddings and holy unions. I have a pre-commitment questionnaire that promotes a pro-active way to discuss values and beliefs regarding blending lives, families, living together and issues about commitment. Very fun, pro-active and valuable!

What is IMAGO Therapy?

IMAGO (i-ma-go) was created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen Hunt. It is described best in the New York Times best selling book: “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples”. Imago teaches that once the elements causing the greatest pain in relationships are revealed and understood, they can be utilized for promoting healing and growth resulting in a deeper connection of love, joy, passion and commitment.

IMAGO is a specific model of ideas and techniques that helps couples to go deeper and find more meaning in their relationship.

I am a certified IMAGO Relationship Therapist and I often utilize IMAGO techniques to help to resolve inter-personal problems in relationships. It also focuses on how to overcome the “power struggle” in relationships resulting in more intimacy, trust and better communication.

I like the IMAGO model because it provides the most effective tools for developing insight and making change and because it is primarily short-term and very effective. Couples learn communication skills and techniques that provide tools that you can do at home to improve and maintain your relationship. The intention is that your relationship is not dependent on longer-term therapy for its success.

In IMAGO, the therapy is intended to help you understand the dynamics of your relationship and be respectful of each others perspective. It is a two-way process that will involve listening as well as talking.

Effective communication skills decrease defensiveness and blame resulting in more cooperation and genuine connection. Neither person gains at the other’s expense.

Another of the fundamental precepts of IMAGO therapy is that as a consequence of better communication, the relationship will benefit from improved trust and mutual support. In essence, this means that you are cognizant of each other’s needs and that you can work together to meet these needs by learning new skills and abandoning hurtful behavior. Symptoms of anger, betrayal and disappointment can be a thing of the past. Your relationship does not have to be a power struggle that is fought until you break up.

Improved communication facilitates personal growth and harmonious relationships where the participants can be themselves and develop together in a safe, compassionate and secure environment. If you can create emotional intimacy, you also have a good foundation for physical and sexual intimacy.

Further information on IMAGO can be found at the following website: http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/index.html

For appointments, consultation or questions, call 713-524-9525.